Meet Becquer. A Query in Progress – Redux

by Carmen Ferreiro-Esteban

 

 

It worked!

“What a great blurb!” my agent wrote back to me after I sent her my query for Becquer Eternal, and she requested my full manuscript.

Yes, she was my agent already, but she is representing my YA fantasy and Becquer is an adult paranormal. That is why I needed a killing query.

After a personal introduction, this is the query I sent.

(…)

The novel, tentatively called BECQUER ETERNAL, is the story of a writer desperately looking for an agent while trying to survive her two smarty teenagers. So desperate is she that she signs with Becquer, an impossibly alive XIX century Spanish poet, even though she knows he is an immortal that lives on human blood and that his secretary, and maybe lover, wants her out of the deal.

Here is the blurb I wrote for it:

Meet Becquer.

He’s handsome, well-read, and can get you that book contract you always dreamed.

Never mind that he’s also an immortal and lives on human blood.

What would that matter?

Your relationship is strictly business.

Or so you thought.

Until Becquer’s life is threatened, and you discover that walking away is not an option,

Because he was hurt while protecting your son,

Because you are the only one who can save him now,

Because you care for him.

Welcome to Becquer’s world.

Please, come inside. He’s waiting for you.

(…)

As you can see, it’s a combination of Take 2 and Take 3. It worked, so I’d say it was a good choice.

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Meet Becquer. A Query in Progress – Take 3

by Carmen Ferreiro-Esteban

 

Thank you so much to Kay (at http://www.kaysbookshelf.com) for commenting on my previous query.

And now for my take number 3.

BECQUER ETERNAL is the story of a writer desperately looking for an agent while trying to survive her two smarty teenagers. So desperate is she that she signs with Becquer, an impossibly good looking man with a devilish smile, even though she knows he is an immortal that lives on human blood and that his secretary, and maybe lover, wants her out of the deal.

This time we are down to 65 words. I think this one could work as a pitch, an elevator pitch that is, for a real pitch, I’m told, is just one sentence. So I guess I would have to cheat and insert a comma where the period is now.

What do you think?

BTW did you notice I changed the title? Any preferences there?

Meet Becquer. A Query in Progress – Take 2

by Carmen Ferreiro-Esteban

Here is my second attempt to write the query for my adult paranormal novel, Meet Becquer. This time I got it down to 89 words.

I don’t think this summary works as a query either. More like the copy for a book trailer?

 

Meet Becquer.

He’s handsome, well-read, and can get you that book contract you always dreamed.

Never mind that he’s also an immortal and lives on human blood.

What would that matter?

Your relationship is strictly business.

Or so you thought.

Until Becquer’s life is threatened, and you discover that walking away is not an option.

Because he was hurt while protecting your son.

Because you are the only one who can save him now.

Because you care for him.

Welcome to Becquer’s world.

Please, come inside. He’s waiting for you.

Meet Becquer. A Query in Progress

by Carmen Ferreiro-Esteban

To write a query requires summarizing your novel down to two or three informative and engaging paragraphs that not only tell what your book is about, but also capture the mood of your story.

A difficult task I have decided to accomplish in several steps.

So here is my first attempt. From 50,000 words to 356 words. Not bad for a first try.  But I don’t think it works for a query, more like a blurb?

Anyhow, here it is. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Meet Becquer (Previously Garlic for Breakfast)

In the dreams of every woman there is a man. A man who understands her, a man who listens, a man who whispers words of love that sing without music when he makes love to her.

In the dreams of every writer there is an agent. An agent who reads her book carefully and loves it almost as much as she does. An agent who discusses her characters as if they were real, as real as they are for her. An agent who will sell her book and draft a contract she understands at the first read. An agent who will give her the freedom of writing what she wants, then helps her rewrite it until it’s perfect, or as close as perfect as it will ever be.

Carla has met both. In one. His name is Becquer and he’s a poet. Or, more exactly, he was a poet back in 1870, the year he died. Only he didn’t died, just stopped being human.

He’s an  immortal now, a stronger, sense-enhanced creature that lives on human blood.

There are others. Well-known poets and musicians and heroes we have met on the pages of History books. Poets like Lorca who was once his lover and still loves him. Statesmen like Cesare Borgia who hates him and has sworn to destroy him.

And there are humans who know about them. Humans, like Beatriz, Becquer’s secretary and former lover, who covet his gift. Beatriz who has waited a long time for Becquer to make her immortal and does not take lightly to his interest in Carla.

When Carla meets Beatriz and realizes the danger that signing Becquer as her agent poses to her and to her children, she asks Becquer to break their contract. But, by then, it’s too late. Too late for Becquer to escape Beatriz’s murderous scorn, too late for Carla to leave unharmed for he already loves him.

Yes, Carla’s dream has come true. Her dream of finding the perfect lover, the perfect agent, the perfect book contract.

But somehow, along the way, the dream has morphed into a nightmare from which she cannot wake up.